On the downside of the wheel

The weeks after my birthday has been so hectic. And I guess I do have to blame myself for it. Let me just quote Ina who quoted her mother that, "Everything that happens to you is because of what you did yourself." As much as I hate to say this, but yes, what she's saying is true.

Being the teenage girl that I am, I tend to get insecure. Sure, sure, people tell me at times that I'm pretty, and at some occasions I do feel pretty... but that doesn't mean there are no times that I don't feel pretty. And there are lots of times that I don't. This feeling made me don't want to eat a lot of stuff and this resulted badly. To whoever is reading this, I advise you to never skip meals. And I mean it. NEVER SKIP MEALS, unless if skipping it means something.

Skipping meals resulted pretty bad for me. I skipped my dinners at some times and this ended up with me being ill with stomach aches, lack of appetite, and nausea (in Indonesian, this illness is often to be called as maag, but I don't know what it is in English). I feel pretty bad for myself, with the fact that at times I don't appreciate my own body and blah, blah, blah. Regret always comes in the end, that's what they always say, and all of us have proven that right.

This wasn't the first time. This was the second, and this made me have the permission to not attend school. I have a pretty good reason why I did, though. Not only was I sick, but I was also about to leave for the finals of an English Olympiad in Malang (I somewhat wrote about that here on my last post) 3 days later, and nobody wants to be ill for that.

So, I got a full-day rest on Tuesday, but I didn't feel pretty well on Wednesday morning, either. My mother told me to just go to school, since I cannot just be beaten off by a sickness and let a day go just because of it. And I did. But I did a stupid thing that morning which made my stomach hurt more than before. I got myself a full dose of vitamin C water (which boosted the acidity of my stomach that was already too acid), and when I got to school, my temperature was high and my lips turned blue because it was a cold morning with rain.

With that, I got home. And with the 3 days that I skipped school, I skipped the knowledge and the homework that were given. I had to zoom off to follow up with my friends who were already ahead of me, both in terms of scores and knowledge. That got me confused, and I couldn't maximize the scores that I had to catch up with. I got pretty bummed with getting an equal score of a E for a chemistry homework, it got me all down in the dumps. Oh, well. I guess... another day, another lesson.

The competition in Malang didn't go really smoothly, though. Yes, I was happy to be seeing lots of different variations of people who were my peers there, who were also my competitors... and yes, it was a very priceless experience which probably nobody else got to experience, but losing always sucks, dude. I know, I know, it's not all about the winning, but I figured that if I won the competition (which I didn't really like in the first place to be honest with you .---.), I could uplift my school's name and it will be known for its goodness, once and for all. My school's a new school, you see, and nobody really knows that it's a good school. I would really love to see my school being occupied like other schools, not just having a finger-counted number of students. But I lost. I did get through the quarter-finals and made it to the semi-finals, but blah, I didn't get to the finals (if I did I would already be possessing a trophy right now, hehe).

Having me getting an E for my chemistry homework, my chemistry teacher Pak Aidil told me that: "I guess right now you are on the downside of the wheel... since you can't always be up there. The wheel always spins, you know."

That made me really think. Maybe I am on the downside of the wheel, right now. But wheels don't really spin on their own, you know. I got myself down, and that doesn't mean that I can't get myself up again. I guess if I really try and inspect where I got myself wrong, before I know it, I will already be up again!

Please wish me luck, since I am a very clumsy girl and I tend to make mistakes. I will try to develop myself, each day and everyday, and it's not a day if I don't learn something. =]